yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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