There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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