stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
