So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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