I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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