i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
