Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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