was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My cat gives me a boner
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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