Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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