Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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