pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize