The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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