i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
