First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
