im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
