My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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