I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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