Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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