Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
