i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
