i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
