Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
