I look better un-naked...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
