I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
why is half of my head shaved?
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