The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
