is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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