just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
