okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
