Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
