omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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