stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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