Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
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he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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