Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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