you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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