I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
