Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
