whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
