No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
