I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
