I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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