We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
