I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
