I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
