I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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