I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
