I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
