Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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