normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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