Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
