Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
