TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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