my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
