also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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