K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
