well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
