He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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