Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why did my mother make you get naked?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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