He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
