You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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