Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
